Moments of life~

Mike went to the mountains with some friends to ride the trails on his 4-wheeler. He needed some time away. There's just something about relaxing in the woods that restores your heart, mind, & soul.

Mike loves John Deere tractors. He has a friend that restores old John Deere tractors. His friend puts a few of his tractors in parades & always asks Mike to drive one. Of course Mike says yes just to drive one. He grew up on a dairy & farmed with John Deere tractors. So these moments are sweet for him. 

Jayven is a busy boy always on the move pretending he's some character or going places. While Mike was loading up his pickup to go camping Jayven was pretending he was driving to the mountains with sound affects. He was making me laugh. He's defiantly captured grandmas heart.  

             My sweet little "HERO"

The change was pileing up on the dryer & my granddaughter Aura thinks she needs it. I love that she asked for it & didn't just take it. She's such a creative young lady. 

I love watching sunsets & sunrises I find them peaceful. I can't see sunrises very well living in town. God is so good to us giving us so many things to see with such detail, & so colorful! There's beauty in all his creation. 

I started this blog awhile ago & got interrupted by a cute curly hair sweet little boy... Sometimes I get irritated with interruptions, but then I remind myself they won't be little forever & that their little needs in their world are important to them. And I want them to feel respect from me & that they feel they are important! 

Life feeling Overwhelming~

In the last five yrs. my depression has gotten worse. I've let so many things I used to do go. I was an organized person. I kept up with the lawn mowing, & weeding flowerbeds & other tasks. I planted flowers & a few tomato plants. Now I can't keep up with yard work, house work, grocery shopping, or laundry & much more. I have so many paper piles to be shredded & filing cabinet full of old statements...ugh! In the last five & a half yrs. I've had my grandchildren living with us off & on or I'm babysitting them. I feel like I'm raising a family all over again. I question myself on how I was able to stay organized & kept up with my duties when I was a young mom. I also worked then to & sometimes two jobs. Maybe it's because I'm in my mid fifties now & I'm tired. My body hurts all the time. I have hip & back pain no matter what I do or don't do. It's really frustrating I can't do the things I used to do. I feel like I can't ever go anywhere due to all the things I need to do, but even if I stay home (which I choose to do a lot) I don't get anything done. 

Now I've got to deal with my aging parents. They need to move to a safer place. Some place like assistant living. They don't want to move. For fifty five yrs. they've lived very isolated lives, so this kinda move will be hard for them. They live in California. Their health is bad. They both fall a lot. My mom has to walk with two canes & should be using a walker. They are 78 & 79.

Because I'm always feeling overwhelmed. I go for drives & ho watch sunsets. I think about the "what life used to be like!" It's hard to see the changes of life. Some are good & some I don't like! I feel like I'm not aging with grace...lol! 

I'm thankful I have my Heavenly Father who carries me in the times when I feel like I can't go on in life. It is his Hope, & his Love that keeps me pressing on in this journey one day at a time...

School days & Summer days~

Friday June 5th was the last day of school & it makes me sad when school is over... It means the grandkids are going into the next grade. Jayven starts kindergarten this fall. Wow...where did the last 5 & 1/2 yrs. go? I thought time went fast when my daughters were growing up. The older I get time seems to fly faster then lighting...lol! 

I love my job as a school bus driver. Kids make me laugh & I love seeing their energy for life! There are days as a substitute driver it's not so fun, but those days don't happen very often. Theres going to be some changes next school yr. My boss announced he is retiring before school starts. I was sad to hear this, yet happy for him. He's been in school transportation for 41 yrs. He's been one of my favorite bosses. There will also be changes with the office staff. There will be 4 new positions. 

I'm praying Jen will be off of graveyard shifts by then. Then I can take a regular route. There will be about 6 routes open. 

In the mean time I will enjoy summer the best I can. I still have them nasty Yellowjackets! It's not fun to be outside with them darn things swarming around you. Since they made an underground nest a few yrs. ago they have been really bad every yr. since. 

My parents are not in good health & I'm  making a trip to Cali to talk them into moving to a safer place. They both fall a lot. It's a hard thing to deal with. 

Farmers Market & Yard Sales

Market Market~

Jayven & I made plans a few days ago to go to Farmers Market this morning. Jayven calls it "Market Market"...lol! Not real sure why this kid loves going to Market Market; he just does! He asked if he could spend the night so we could go as soon as we woke up he said. He got his favorite popcorn at Market Market & a few books from the yard sale. I got a cheese grater & a little sign all for .35 cents. I've been looking for a small wooden desk for my granddaughter Aura's room for about 6 mos. or more & I'm not having any luck finding one. Now that school is out we are going to paint her room & make new curtains. Hopefully find that desk soon... 

A Tea Party!

Shaylei & Aura were bored so they decided to have a Tea Party in the backyard. They made tea sandwhices with Nutella & cut the sandwhices into little squares. They also poured little French Toast Cereal in little bowls. They served Milk in place of tea. They used their imagination decorating the table. It was cute to watch them put things together. They enjoyed the sandwhices & the little French toast with their milk along with chit-chatting with each other. 

I love these girls. I'm Thankful for these moments especially when life gets hard at times. 

Mickey Mouse Pancakes...

According to this boy "this grandma" makes the best Mickey Mouse Pancakes in the whole wide world...lol! Of course he would say that cuz I'm "his grandma" & he doesn't know how all the other grandmas in the whole wide world make Mickey Mouse Pancakes for their grandchildren. He makes me laugh a lot with all his little sayings. It's hard sometimes to listen to him talk when those big blue eyes are looking at you when he thinks what he's got to say is important! He's a very busy boy & keeps me on my toes... He just finished preschool & is now a kindergartner....whoa! That also means I have two 8th graders & a 4th grader. The older I get the "FASTER" time flies by....yikes!

Rainbows~

Tonight coming home from TriCities I saw a full Rainbow. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen a full rainbow since I was a little girl. I could tell it had just rained & it smelled so good. I look to the East & see part of a rainbow & I tried to take a picture of it on my phone, but I couldn't get a good picture of it. Then I saw another rainbow next to it only it was faint. I kept watching these rainbows for awhile. The faint one disappeared & then it came back & then the brighter rainbow became a full rainbow & it looked like it stretched a long ways. It was gorgeous! I could see that rainbow from King City (just outside of Pasco) all the way to the Hwy 17 cut off. It made me think about how God created that & the beauty of all that's on Earth. I was also wondering if it was touching the ground on both ends. I was thinking like a little kid...lol! I love it when God opens my eyes like that...

Thanksgiving & Making Memorie's with my little people...

Holidays are hard for me, but this years Thanksgiving was different for me... We had our dinner on Sat. & it was the best one I've probably ever had in my life. My daughters had to work graveyard shifts on Thanksgiving. I felt a peace in my spirit I've known before. We had fun just hanging out. Then we went to the movies that night & saw Penguins of Madagascar it was a cute movie. 

Me & Char

I made gingerbread houses with my sweet cute little people...

Me & Jen

Way too long.....

It's been a really long time since I've blogged. I lost interest & wondered if it really even mattered if I wrote or not. So here I am again... I want to us facebook less by blogging.

Baby its been cold out there... Bam just like that we are freezing & having to start the car 10-15 mins before we leave for school or work...Lol I'm not ready for the cold weather, but its here wether I want it here or not.

My brother was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in Sept. He's had his chemo treatments. He's waiting for his scan to see if he's cancer free. When you hear about someone having cancer it makes your heart heavy, but when you hear a family member has cancer it's sucks the wind out of you. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach & knocked the wind out of me when he called me with that news. His spirits are good. Praise God for that!

We've taken on the repairing of our kitchen floor & it has been a challenge. I finally picked out a tile look vinyl roll. I'm also going to have the hardwood floors that are hiding under the nasty old carpet refinished. I'm so excited for this... We also got gutters put up that I've wanted for a long time. And we also got the patio roof repaired that needed to be done when we moved in here 11 yrs. ago... It feels good getting these things done.

Thanksgiving is going to be different for us this yr. My daughters work graveyard shifts & have to work on Thanksgiving. So we are going to have our dinner on Sat. so we can just spend time with each other. In my adult life I've only had one Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. I was 18 & I expecting my baby girl Char at that time. The last Christmas spent with my family was in 1982! It's hard living 2 states away. I wish I could go home for the holidays just once. Maybe someday!

I am looking forward to Christmas this yr. not sure why, but I am. We have decided to make Christmas less stressful, by giving a family Christmas by meeting some of their needs this yr. We are to bless others with what we have been given. God gave us the gift of Salvation & Blesses us more then we even know & yet we grumble about what we don't have... I'm so grateful for his gift of life, his mercy, his grace & for his LOVE for us!

....a little update!

Well I'm down 6.4 lbs. I did very well the first two weeks. I haven't done very well this last week. I've found that night time is my hardest time. I wanna eat the things that aren't good for me. I have to remind myself to stay in the moment and this is done one step at a time! I'm determined to over come this change through my new journey. 

I made it to the gym most of the days I set to go. My trainer wasn't available last week. 

I'm finding the more I go the more I want to go... 

I sure wish spring would really get here. I'm so ready for warmth of sunny days, flowers, bbq's, and watching the kids play in the pool in the backyard.

We are celebrating Easter this weekend because family members have other family to be with on Easter. I'm going to try the coloring eggs with koolaide. I'm hoping for nice weather for Sat. I miss the Tri City kids a lot these days. They don't come up like they used to... I guess I wasn't really prepared for the day they wouldn't be at grandmas house all the time for various reasons. 

Changes, Goals, & more

I am so excited to say I'm on a new journey in my life... I joined weight watchers last Tues. and I'm liking it. I feel like my calorie count has a fence around it now and I have a direction with it! And I joined a gym on Wed. with a trainer. At first I wanted to keep all this a secret. Beacause if I tell people I will fail, But I've decided if I tell it will keep me more accountable to myself. I want this to work really bad. With God's guidence I can make it work. I also know this HAS to be a LIFESTYLE CHANGE for the rest of my life. My weight has limited me to doing things. I'm sick of feeling uncomfortabel eveywhere I go in public or within myself for that matter. I HATE that I let myself get here. I've had a weight problem since about 13 yrs old. & thats also when I got into the use of drugs and alcohol for 24 yrs. of my life. I went into treatment to get the help I needed to be free of that. I had a light bulb moment (as Oprah would say...) I've beat myself up about my weight and myself imagine for so long that I've come to believe it all. My light bulb moment was that I didn't get almost 18 yrs. of Sobriety and Clean time all at once. I did it in small steps one day at a time. I had to make changes in my life to make it through each day to stay clean & sober. At times the choice was not easy! I know sometimes those choices aren't easy because I take control. I'm Thankful God has Mercy on me and gives me Grace to walk with him.

 Till next update... Blessings to all of you!

The beauty of new life & wiggly tails~

Meet Carlisle he's our new addition to our family. He was born Feb. 21st at 2:00 am. He'll grow up to be Shaylei's fair lamb for her 4-H project. His mama was Shaylei's first year project. She got to keep her because the lamb was maked as a keeper. So when she was sold at the auction we were able to buy her back. Shaylei showed her in the yearling ewe class at the fair last year and got Grand Champion. Her long back and body shape is what the judges are looking for so she will have nice lambs. She had a lamb last year and he didn't make it. But this little guy is healthy.

Jayven thinks he's pretty neat too! He kept giggling and calling him like it was a dog!

These kids wear me out at times I'm still so Thankful to be their Grandma!

I'm so Thankful to be in their everyday lives. God is so Good!

Brokenness of the Heart, Mind, & Soul!

It's been a long week. My heart seems to be heavy, disturbed, or restless a lot lately... Even though my heart has been cleared of heath issues it is still wounded. The winter months are hard for me with my depression and bipolar. I'm in the darkest hrs. of life and I am truly blind to the light. My thoughts have not been good ones lately either. Even with the meds I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster ride and let me tell you its not fun! Or it feels like I'm on the merry-go-round of life...going around and around and around! I'm so tired of feeling like I'm drowning & fell like I can't breath! It's robbing me of LIFE.! And of course I question where is God in all this! Then I realize he's here, but I am the one that turned away and began to walk on my own AGAIN. I just don't feel like I can connect with my Heavenly Father who sacrificed his only SON on the cross for me... And all I can do is ask WHY me! I don't understand it?! Why can't I be normal and happy! Why can't I find Peace and Joy in life! The older I get the less I wanna do anything or go anywhere. I have no support system. Six of my closes friends have moved, and my other friends are raising families. As I'm struggling with my Heart consumed with this, I do realize there are people struggling through BIGGER battles then I am, but I don't know how to let go what I can't control and I'm angry. There's one situation that is killing me to know what's going on in their lives and I can't do a thing about it! I've PRAYED and try to read my Bible, I just can't connect. I don't get why I can't get it!!! I am REDEEMED by the BLOOD of  JESUS... This song is so deep into my heart and I feel like it keeps me going in my faith. "Bound up in shackles of all my failures. Stop fighting a fight that's already been won" I need soak those words up into my heart. My soul longs to be IN LOVE with you JESUS!!!  

       

Beautiful Sunset at my mom and dads place last September. I miss them and want to be with them. They both took bad falls in the last three weeks. They can't get around very well. My mom should not be driving at all either. My dads been in the hospital three times in the last three months. I only get told after he's been in there. Our lives are so dysfunctional....I hate it!!!



The still glass lake of Moses Lake reminds me of home. I grew up where fishing was a way of living. This lake has a smell to it certian times of the year that most people don't like, but I do...cuz it smells like home...

Acts 14:22

Strengthening the diciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

missing my Sweet friend & the sandy beach...

This girl knows me so well and still loves me... She is full of life, wisdom, silliness, smiles, love for her family, and love for our Heavenly Father... I miss her so much. She moved a little over a year ago to Portalnd.

I can't wait to go to these dunes in Florence Oregon this summer with a big group of riding friends...

I'm happy it's a sunny warm day. Going to do a little yard work...

The boys & I went on a Safari Hunt....

They saw a lion eating a deer. They loved going on the safari hunt through the mud & weeds...

Aden is serious about his safari gear... I love this boy!

He said "hey that lion is eating the legs on that deer" he watches Big Cat Diary...

Jayven loved the ninoculars... I love it!

Jayven did a good job reading the compass we made it home...

Had a good weekend with these boys. The boys also rode their bikes, & I pushed them on the swing. That is one of my favorite things to do with them. The girls were lost in books, movies, & their kindle fires in Shaylei's room all weekend. The older they get the more they stay in their room & I don't like it! I can't wait for Spring, I will make them go outside then...

I finally figured out how to upload pictures on my blog from the app on my phone. Still can't get it to work on my computer.

my friday...

It was music to my heart hearing Aden yelling "Grandma...Grandpa I MISSED you guys" with his smile from ear to ear & his eyes had a shine to them that I love to see... Aura was excited to see us too, she's just not as vocal as Aden.

Jayven is finally doing better. He was cute when Aden got here. He came running in the door yelling "Aden...Aden...Aden" while jumping up & down with a big smile on his cute face.

I love how close these kids are in their little lives. Shaylei & Aura are 8 months apart, they have been close all their lives. I love it! Aden & Jayven are almost 4 yrs. apart, they are just now getting the closeness like the girls. Of course Jayven follows everything Aden does & they both are on a constant run everywhere they go! I love it!

I had to have some breathing tests done in Wenatchee yesterday. My lungs don't expand all the way like they should. I feel like I can't get enough air at times. It really sucks gettting old... I am NOT aging gracefully...lol. So all my test for my heart are all good & now the tests for my lungs are all good. Dr. says it's due to my weight...ugh! (I'm really not that surprised) So I really need to work harder at getting educated on better food choices, & exercise. The the dr. wants me to go to a lung rehab therapy to learn how to push myself with shortness of breath. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense to me. I have to think about it. I think I'm going to jump in & join a gym & weight watchers. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working. Please Pray for me in this area.

Driving from Wenatchee down to Tri-cities & back to Moses Lake was a long day, but worth it to see those cute & sweet faces. Instead of heading to Moses Lake from George we went down hwy 243 that runs along the river & comes out by Hanford. I forgot how pretty of a drive it is. When we lived in George we always went that way to Pasco to visit Mikes brother.

I better go & enjoy the weekend with those sweet kiddos of mine.... Hope you all have a great weekend!

....the double HH (Heavy Heart) & seeking for his Comfort~

My last few days have been heavy hearted...We attend services for my neighbor & his 13 yr. old daughter yesterday. They were both killed last Sat. in a car accident. It was so sweet about 5 12-13 yr. old girls got up to speak about how much Aschile's life & friendship meant to them so young.They cried their tears for her & they will miss her so much they said. They said she always had a hug & a smile for everyone. And she did cuz she always came to my house with a big bright smile & a hug for me (I loved that little girl). It was Shaylei's first service to go to for the loss of a friend. It was a little hard for her. Middle School is harsh on this age of girls... Their emotions are all over. I really do feel bad for these poor girls at this age to lose a happy sweet smiley girlfriend... It can be very challenging for them. What I am happy about is Aschlie knows Jesus Christ as her Lord & Saviour. She will spend eternity with Jesus...forever! Praise God for that... He daddy was a good man & had a heart for God... I will miss them both, her visits & his noisy cars going up & down the streets with the throttle to the floor board...

The COMFORT was later in the evening I got to attend a beautiful first year birthday party for Kenzlie. She is truly a MIRACLE girl! Praise God for all the GLORY goes to him. We put her in your hands a yr. ago & look what you did for her, her family, & her extended family. You are an AWESOME GOD who LOVES us all. See Kenzlie is a Gastroschisis survivor (she was born with her intestines out of her belly). So it's a emotional day to celebrate her milestones of life. Some of these babies don't make it or have complications. She had so many people praying for her & her family during her difficult beginning of life. She's such a BEAUTIFUL little sweet pea!

The SUN was also shinning again yesterday... Sun makes me happy. I witnessed another beautiful Sunset last night. I love the cold crisp air in the early evening, but not for too long.

Jayven is still having a hard time recovering. He wakes his mommy up screaming... He was screaming for me in the middle of the night. Poor little guy! Praying for a speedy healing for him & minimal pain for him.

By the time I go get my grand kids from Tri-Cities this weekends it will be 5 weeks since I've seen them. That's never happened before... I'm so looking forward to seeing them this weekend.

Soaked up the sunshine today, along with my sweet boy!

It was a beautiful sunny warm day today! I enjoyed seeing the SUN & loved how beautiful the sunset was tonight. Jayven had a good day today. He wanted his grandma to take him for a ride today. So we took a little ride to the drive through car wash. He loves it in there. The soap changes colors on the windows & he gets excited about it. It's so cute to watch how excited he gets over the simple things in life. That's what I need to learn is to be excited over the simple things in life. I have finally figured out how to navigate through Pinterest...yeah I'm addicted now! I'm loving the ideas I'm finding & can't wait to do some of them. I saw several I can't wait to do for summer. Some of us are slow learners & I'm one of them....lol

Lifes blessings & Very sad news!

I know its been a long time since I've blogged. My computer is having some issues & it needs to be tuned up & cleaned out. This will be a long winded blog..

We found out the end of Nov. a friend has cancer.... That word just sucks the wind out of you! Shes had two surgeries & will start her treatment next Monday. It will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks & its not going to be very pleasnt for her... I pray this treatment works for her... This is one of those places God will use me to help her with house cleaning, grocery shopping, or just visiting with her. I will keep praying for her.

Please PRAY for her with me

On Dec. 15th Mike & I went to Tri-Cities & picked up Aura & Aden to take them shopping for clothes, boots, shoes, coats, & hats. (I really scored on shirts for Aura I found a clerance rack & got 7 shirts at $5.00 ea. & 1 for $3.00) Times are tough for their Mom, she doesn't have a job. Shes been looking hard for one. Then we took them to dinner at Cousins. I love it there... Aura was a very GREATFUL little girl at the end of the day. She told us at dinner she didn't feel she should get any presents for Christmas cuz she was so blessed that day. She is such a sweet little girl. Aden was so excited about his new shoes he picked out. Char said he wanted to sleep with them on. I told her to let him. :) It was an AMAZING day spent with them. I love those kids so much. I wish they didn't live so far away. I see them less & less as they get older.

Christmas was different for us this yr. For ten yrs or so all the grand kids have always woke up at grandma's house Christmas morning. This yr. Char stayed home with her kids & her boyfriend & his kids. I didn't like it, but it is what it is. I just have to learn to deal with it! The Sat. after Christmas we went & picked up the kids to have a Christmas & spend New Years with them. Jen has her own home now. Jen & her kids did Christmas for the first time in their own home.. She invited us over to watch the kids open there presents. Even tho I didn't like this change I had a peaceful heart. When things don't go my way I get worked up & I'm not so nice at times. But this yr. was different... I accepted it & kept moving on. I Praise God for his Peace & Strength. God is good!

My battle with Bipolar at times gets out of control & I feel crazy. I get so worried about all the "whats gonna happens." With this gun control, the Obama healthcare, kids arent allowed to be kids, the cost of food is going up, gas will be going way up, I don't trust Obama! I really believe we are in the beginning of the end times & I have to be honset it scares me & it shouldn't cuz Christ will be returning to get us. I srsly need to learn to TRUST my God! I feel like I don't know how to get off the crazy merry-go-round & TRUST in HIM... I just keep reading peoples blogs, & remember there are poeple going through things worse then what I am. It does help me to see things differently. However my feelings & emotions are mine & I feel at times they are not validated. I had a few days I was pretty down & suicide came into my mind for a moment... When I get to that point it means I've allowed life to OVERWHELMED me!!! But God is so good! I do BELEIVE that!

A friend that works with mental health came to me & asked me if I would like to do some volunteer work with the Suicide Prevention Coalition. I said WHAT....srsly! Yes....I want to do that! Of course I battle with this so who better to work with people going through hard stuff & they are suicideal. It always breaks my heart when a person takes their life. Its a permeant solution to a temporary problem in life. I understand why they do it. You truly believe you have no where to go or no one truly hears you or understands you. I've been asking God to use me some where & of course I was not waiting patiently. Its so hard for me to wait on his timing so I stay stuck in the rut of life. Man I have so much to learn about how God's will for me is the best me. More then I could ever know here on earth. 

Our neighbor & his 13 yr. old daughter were killed in a tragic car accident last Sat. So sad! It's a reminder we just never know when our time is done here. I will miss that sweet little girly coming to visit us.

Please Pray for his wife & family.

Jayven had his tonsils & adenoids taken out & tubes put in last Tues. in Spokane & he's doing good. He's having good days & bad days. Today was a bad day! His poor mommy will be having a long week or two...  Right now he don't want nothing to with his Grandma. I think its cuz I drove him up there... Lol

.

I'm sooooo ready for Spring! Are you?

Christmas Party & Spending Time with my Sweet Grand Kids...

Friday night was Mikes Company Christmas Party. It was a fun night. The food was so good. About 10 of us continued the party downtown. It was fun laughing and joking around. I can't believe he's been working for the company for 24 yrs... Where does the time go...

Saturday Mike and I went down to Tri-Cities to take Aura and Aden shopping. They needed coats, hats, boots, and clothes. They were so happy about getting new stuff. Char said Aden was so excited that he slept with his new shoes on... Aura had been wanting this red pea coat for a while. She was so excited about getting it she took the tags off as soon as we got in the van; so she could wear it. We went to dinner at Cousins. The food is so good there. The kids enjoyed peppermint ice cream after dinner. It was a fun day spent with them. At dinner Aura says she was so grateful for all the stuff we bought her that she feels she don't deserve anything for Christmas. She's such a thoughtful and sweet girl. She always has others ahead of herself. We would of have waited to give it to them at Christmas, but they didn't have coats or hats for the winter. I couldn't stand it anymore knowing they didn't have what they needed for winter. And they were in need of clothes.

I have a coffee date, a lunch date, and a dinner date this week planned with three friends. I have some more closet cleaning, and some rearranging of furniture to do this week.

I'm hoping to get some pictures uploaded this week. I think I'm going to get it figured out.