Thanksgiving & Making Memorie's with my little people...

Holidays are hard for me, but this years Thanksgiving was different for me... We had our dinner on Sat. & it was the best one I've probably ever had in my life. My daughters had to work graveyard shifts on Thanksgiving. I felt a peace in my spirit I've known before. We had fun just hanging out. Then we went to the movies that night & saw Penguins of Madagascar it was a cute movie. 

Me & Char

I made gingerbread houses with my sweet cute little people...

Me & Jen

Way too long.....

It's been a really long time since I've blogged. I lost interest & wondered if it really even mattered if I wrote or not. So here I am again... I want to us facebook less by blogging.

Baby its been cold out there... Bam just like that we are freezing & having to start the car 10-15 mins before we leave for school or work...Lol I'm not ready for the cold weather, but its here wether I want it here or not.

My brother was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in Sept. He's had his chemo treatments. He's waiting for his scan to see if he's cancer free. When you hear about someone having cancer it makes your heart heavy, but when you hear a family member has cancer it's sucks the wind out of you. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach & knocked the wind out of me when he called me with that news. His spirits are good. Praise God for that!

We've taken on the repairing of our kitchen floor & it has been a challenge. I finally picked out a tile look vinyl roll. I'm also going to have the hardwood floors that are hiding under the nasty old carpet refinished. I'm so excited for this... We also got gutters put up that I've wanted for a long time. And we also got the patio roof repaired that needed to be done when we moved in here 11 yrs. ago... It feels good getting these things done.

Thanksgiving is going to be different for us this yr. My daughters work graveyard shifts & have to work on Thanksgiving. So we are going to have our dinner on Sat. so we can just spend time with each other. In my adult life I've only had one Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. I was 18 & I expecting my baby girl Char at that time. The last Christmas spent with my family was in 1982! It's hard living 2 states away. I wish I could go home for the holidays just once. Maybe someday!

I am looking forward to Christmas this yr. not sure why, but I am. We have decided to make Christmas less stressful, by giving a family Christmas by meeting some of their needs this yr. We are to bless others with what we have been given. God gave us the gift of Salvation & Blesses us more then we even know & yet we grumble about what we don't have... I'm so grateful for his gift of life, his mercy, his grace & for his LOVE for us!

....a little update!

Well I'm down 6.4 lbs. I did very well the first two weeks. I haven't done very well this last week. I've found that night time is my hardest time. I wanna eat the things that aren't good for me. I have to remind myself to stay in the moment and this is done one step at a time! I'm determined to over come this change through my new journey. 

I made it to the gym most of the days I set to go. My trainer wasn't available last week. 

I'm finding the more I go the more I want to go... 

I sure wish spring would really get here. I'm so ready for warmth of sunny days, flowers, bbq's, and watching the kids play in the pool in the backyard.

We are celebrating Easter this weekend because family members have other family to be with on Easter. I'm going to try the coloring eggs with koolaide. I'm hoping for nice weather for Sat. I miss the Tri City kids a lot these days. They don't come up like they used to... I guess I wasn't really prepared for the day they wouldn't be at grandmas house all the time for various reasons. 

Changes, Goals, & more

I am so excited to say I'm on a new journey in my life... I joined weight watchers last Tues. and I'm liking it. I feel like my calorie count has a fence around it now and I have a direction with it! And I joined a gym on Wed. with a trainer. At first I wanted to keep all this a secret. Beacause if I tell people I will fail, But I've decided if I tell it will keep me more accountable to myself. I want this to work really bad. With God's guidence I can make it work. I also know this HAS to be a LIFESTYLE CHANGE for the rest of my life. My weight has limited me to doing things. I'm sick of feeling uncomfortabel eveywhere I go in public or within myself for that matter. I HATE that I let myself get here. I've had a weight problem since about 13 yrs old. & thats also when I got into the use of drugs and alcohol for 24 yrs. of my life. I went into treatment to get the help I needed to be free of that. I had a light bulb moment (as Oprah would say...) I've beat myself up about my weight and myself imagine for so long that I've come to believe it all. My light bulb moment was that I didn't get almost 18 yrs. of Sobriety and Clean time all at once. I did it in small steps one day at a time. I had to make changes in my life to make it through each day to stay clean & sober. At times the choice was not easy! I know sometimes those choices aren't easy because I take control. I'm Thankful God has Mercy on me and gives me Grace to walk with him.

 Till next update... Blessings to all of you!

The beauty of new life & wiggly tails~

Meet Carlisle he's our new addition to our family. He was born Feb. 21st at 2:00 am. He'll grow up to be Shaylei's fair lamb for her 4-H project. His mama was Shaylei's first year project. She got to keep her because the lamb was maked as a keeper. So when she was sold at the auction we were able to buy her back. Shaylei showed her in the yearling ewe class at the fair last year and got Grand Champion. Her long back and body shape is what the judges are looking for so she will have nice lambs. She had a lamb last year and he didn't make it. But this little guy is healthy.

Jayven thinks he's pretty neat too! He kept giggling and calling him like it was a dog!

These kids wear me out at times I'm still so Thankful to be their Grandma!

I'm so Thankful to be in their everyday lives. God is so Good!

Brokenness of the Heart, Mind, & Soul!

It's been a long week. My heart seems to be heavy, disturbed, or restless a lot lately... Even though my heart has been cleared of heath issues it is still wounded. The winter months are hard for me with my depression and bipolar. I'm in the darkest hrs. of life and I am truly blind to the light. My thoughts have not been good ones lately either. Even with the meds I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster ride and let me tell you its not fun! Or it feels like I'm on the merry-go-round of life...going around and around and around! I'm so tired of feeling like I'm drowning & fell like I can't breath! It's robbing me of LIFE.! And of course I question where is God in all this! Then I realize he's here, but I am the one that turned away and began to walk on my own AGAIN. I just don't feel like I can connect with my Heavenly Father who sacrificed his only SON on the cross for me... And all I can do is ask WHY me! I don't understand it?! Why can't I be normal and happy! Why can't I find Peace and Joy in life! The older I get the less I wanna do anything or go anywhere. I have no support system. Six of my closes friends have moved, and my other friends are raising families. As I'm struggling with my Heart consumed with this, I do realize there are people struggling through BIGGER battles then I am, but I don't know how to let go what I can't control and I'm angry. There's one situation that is killing me to know what's going on in their lives and I can't do a thing about it! I've PRAYED and try to read my Bible, I just can't connect. I don't get why I can't get it!!! I am REDEEMED by the BLOOD of  JESUS... This song is so deep into my heart and I feel like it keeps me going in my faith. "Bound up in shackles of all my failures. Stop fighting a fight that's already been won" I need soak those words up into my heart. My soul longs to be IN LOVE with you JESUS!!!  

       

Beautiful Sunset at my mom and dads place last September. I miss them and want to be with them. They both took bad falls in the last three weeks. They can't get around very well. My mom should not be driving at all either. My dads been in the hospital three times in the last three months. I only get told after he's been in there. Our lives are so dysfunctional....I hate it!!!



The still glass lake of Moses Lake reminds me of home. I grew up where fishing was a way of living. This lake has a smell to it certian times of the year that most people don't like, but I do...cuz it smells like home...

Acts 14:22

Strengthening the diciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

missing my Sweet friend & the sandy beach...

This girl knows me so well and still loves me... She is full of life, wisdom, silliness, smiles, love for her family, and love for our Heavenly Father... I miss her so much. She moved a little over a year ago to Portalnd.

I can't wait to go to these dunes in Florence Oregon this summer with a big group of riding friends...

I'm happy it's a sunny warm day. Going to do a little yard work...