Hmmmm... I think I'm getting it!

It took me a few hrs. to change my font colors... I changed my design, but then I didn't understand how to change the font colors and background. I wish I could figure out how to put pictures up and get my about me on the side of my post page. I hope I can get it figured out soon.

It's really windy outside today and I don't like it, the winds scares me... We had a 35 ft. tree fall in our backyard in a really bad storm in Dec. 2006 with the wind blowing 80 plus mph and torn all our lines down and we had to go stay in a hotel. It took the PUD 4 days to get power back to us. We were lucky it didn't fall on our house. The house next to us is vacant with 2 huge trees in the yard. One of them is dead and makes me nervous of where it would fall. When the weather is bad I'm always scared and worried, then I'm reminded who is control and for me to TRUST him and sometimes thats hard to do.

I've been doing some deep cleaning this last week it feels peaceful to have some things done that has been needing to be done for a very long time. I used to be so obsessive about how clean my house was and now I don't care sometimes, but yet it drives me crazy that it's a mess and not clean. I've come to the conclusion I've let it go cuz when my grandkids come to visit or live here the house gets all tore up. I tell myself it won't matter down the road. They will remember having fun here. I have few closets left to clean and then it will be time to cook for my little family.

I really wish Mike and I were going somewhere to celebrate our anniversary, but he has to work, and my grandkids will be here till Sunday. Maybe we can go another weekend. We usually don't celebrate with getting away cuz it's always around Thanksgiving. We sure didn't think of that when we got married...lol

Califorina trip~Moved my daughter~ Little guests~Halloween~

 

  Wow...where has the last two and half months gone...(sigh)

We went to California in Sept. to visit family and it was a good visit. Mike enjoyed seeing his sisters and nephews. Everytime we go down to visit we always make sure we go to visit his parents graves and put fresh flowers on them and spend a few moments there. His mom was an AMAZING woman of GOD and taught me some things. I often wonder what I would be like if she was still here. His dad loved his Heavenly Father too! I loved seeing my mom and my dad too! I've never been close to my mom or my dad, but in the last year my mom has made some progress in making amends with us... My dad will probably never attempt to make any amends with us kids. He is a man that thinks he is never wrong or has hurt anyone so therefore he doesn't forgive people. I don't understand that kind of thinking. I guess the difference between him and I is I know my Lord Jesus Christ. He does not believe in him. So he sees life with way different eyes then I do. I told him I loved him when I left and started to cry and he said "you better" he wasn't able to tell me he loved me back. He didn't get it. But I know I have done my part to let him know I love him. And God will do the rest. I didn't get to visit my brother. Our relationship is held by a string we just can't get past the past. He has held grudges against me for many years. I tell him I love him and don't get very many responses to it. All I can do is to love them, forgive them, and share God with them even if they don't get it.

The end of Sept. our grand kids from Tri-Cities came to live with us for awhile, but that didn't happen. Not sure why Char makes poor choices that aren't the best for her kids. They moved back down there in three and half weeks. I didn't want those kids to go back and once again I should of fought for them to stay here. But they want their mom and they are torn. They wanna be here and with their mom. All I can do is PRAY for them, her, and her boyfriend. God has been telling me to stop interfering with her and just LOVE her! All I ever wanted in life was to have a close family and thats not happening it's not what I think it should be! There I go interfering again with God's PLAN... I really need to get that in my head who needs to have the wheel...

In October Jen moved in the house next door to us. It's fun to have her there, but it feels funny to have them right next door. They finally have some room and a yard to play in now. Jayven finally has his own room...woohoo. However he still ends up in Jen's bed by morning. That boy gets to me everyday with his sweetness and cuteness... I'm so Thankful I get to be a part of his and Shaylei life eveyday. The kids were all so cute on Halloween. We went downtown to trick or treat and then to my church that has a big Harvest Party with so many games, candy, hot dogs, chips, and lots of fun! Shaylei was a punk rocker, Aura was a nice witch (in her words), Aden was a yellow transformer (I'm sure it had a name..lol), and Jayven was Mickey Mouse. I don't like to celebrate Halloween, but at the sametime I don't want to miss out on any moments with my precious grand kids.

November for us is not only celebrating Thanksgiving. Mike and I have a Anniversary Nov. 24th 33yrs ago we tied the knot in Reno. Oh...to be that young and know what I know now... His parents got a little to involved in planning our wedding....so off to Reno we went. I never wanted a big wedding anyway. We lived in California at that time and we were suppose to get married on November 10th, but that was opening day for Pheasant hunting. So I got put on the back burner...j/k LOL! We don't celebrate it due to the holiday. I think we have gone somewhere twice to celebrate it. I'm all caught up in getting my Thanksgiving day dinner planned so I do forget about it!


This time of  year is hard for me with my depression and bipolar it gets worse and I'm not fond of the Holidays. I wish just one year we could go spend Thanksgiving or Christmas in California with my parents or his sisters. We haven't been home for a holiday for 30 years. My parents don't celebrate it, so it wouldn't make sense to go there anyways. I just want to be like normal families. But then are there normal families? I cherish the moments I get to spend with my daughters and grand kids. I have so much to be Thankful for in life, but sometimes with bipolar I sure do miss a lot... It's a stupid illness...I HATE it! People with Biploar have a lot off trouble with their minds going on a rampage. I HATE it when it does that. I cry out to God asking why can't I be normal in life!! However I am hearing his whispering words telling me to get out of his way.... And he's telling me that it's not always about ME! Others grow from our trials...