The beauty of new life & wiggly tails~

Meet Carlisle he's our new addition to our family. He was born Feb. 21st at 2:00 am. He'll grow up to be Shaylei's fair lamb for her 4-H project. His mama was Shaylei's first year project. She got to keep her because the lamb was maked as a keeper. So when she was sold at the auction we were able to buy her back. Shaylei showed her in the yearling ewe class at the fair last year and got Grand Champion. Her long back and body shape is what the judges are looking for so she will have nice lambs. She had a lamb last year and he didn't make it. But this little guy is healthy.

Jayven thinks he's pretty neat too! He kept giggling and calling him like it was a dog!

These kids wear me out at times I'm still so Thankful to be their Grandma!

I'm so Thankful to be in their everyday lives. God is so Good!

Brokenness of the Heart, Mind, & Soul!

It's been a long week. My heart seems to be heavy, disturbed, or restless a lot lately... Even though my heart has been cleared of heath issues it is still wounded. The winter months are hard for me with my depression and bipolar. I'm in the darkest hrs. of life and I am truly blind to the light. My thoughts have not been good ones lately either. Even with the meds I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster ride and let me tell you its not fun! Or it feels like I'm on the merry-go-round of life...going around and around and around! I'm so tired of feeling like I'm drowning & fell like I can't breath! It's robbing me of LIFE.! And of course I question where is God in all this! Then I realize he's here, but I am the one that turned away and began to walk on my own AGAIN. I just don't feel like I can connect with my Heavenly Father who sacrificed his only SON on the cross for me... And all I can do is ask WHY me! I don't understand it?! Why can't I be normal and happy! Why can't I find Peace and Joy in life! The older I get the less I wanna do anything or go anywhere. I have no support system. Six of my closes friends have moved, and my other friends are raising families. As I'm struggling with my Heart consumed with this, I do realize there are people struggling through BIGGER battles then I am, but I don't know how to let go what I can't control and I'm angry. There's one situation that is killing me to know what's going on in their lives and I can't do a thing about it! I've PRAYED and try to read my Bible, I just can't connect. I don't get why I can't get it!!! I am REDEEMED by the BLOOD of  JESUS... This song is so deep into my heart and I feel like it keeps me going in my faith. "Bound up in shackles of all my failures. Stop fighting a fight that's already been won" I need soak those words up into my heart. My soul longs to be IN LOVE with you JESUS!!!  

       

Beautiful Sunset at my mom and dads place last September. I miss them and want to be with them. They both took bad falls in the last three weeks. They can't get around very well. My mom should not be driving at all either. My dads been in the hospital three times in the last three months. I only get told after he's been in there. Our lives are so dysfunctional....I hate it!!!



The still glass lake of Moses Lake reminds me of home. I grew up where fishing was a way of living. This lake has a smell to it certian times of the year that most people don't like, but I do...cuz it smells like home...

Acts 14:22

Strengthening the diciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

missing my Sweet friend & the sandy beach...

This girl knows me so well and still loves me... She is full of life, wisdom, silliness, smiles, love for her family, and love for our Heavenly Father... I miss her so much. She moved a little over a year ago to Portalnd.

I can't wait to go to these dunes in Florence Oregon this summer with a big group of riding friends...

I'm happy it's a sunny warm day. Going to do a little yard work...

The boys & I went on a Safari Hunt....

They saw a lion eating a deer. They loved going on the safari hunt through the mud & weeds...

Aden is serious about his safari gear... I love this boy!

He said "hey that lion is eating the legs on that deer" he watches Big Cat Diary...

Jayven loved the ninoculars... I love it!

Jayven did a good job reading the compass we made it home...

Had a good weekend with these boys. The boys also rode their bikes, & I pushed them on the swing. That is one of my favorite things to do with them. The girls were lost in books, movies, & their kindle fires in Shaylei's room all weekend. The older they get the more they stay in their room & I don't like it! I can't wait for Spring, I will make them go outside then...

I finally figured out how to upload pictures on my blog from the app on my phone. Still can't get it to work on my computer.

my friday...

It was music to my heart hearing Aden yelling "Grandma...Grandpa I MISSED you guys" with his smile from ear to ear & his eyes had a shine to them that I love to see... Aura was excited to see us too, she's just not as vocal as Aden.

Jayven is finally doing better. He was cute when Aden got here. He came running in the door yelling "Aden...Aden...Aden" while jumping up & down with a big smile on his cute face.

I love how close these kids are in their little lives. Shaylei & Aura are 8 months apart, they have been close all their lives. I love it! Aden & Jayven are almost 4 yrs. apart, they are just now getting the closeness like the girls. Of course Jayven follows everything Aden does & they both are on a constant run everywhere they go! I love it!

I had to have some breathing tests done in Wenatchee yesterday. My lungs don't expand all the way like they should. I feel like I can't get enough air at times. It really sucks gettting old... I am NOT aging gracefully...lol. So all my test for my heart are all good & now the tests for my lungs are all good. Dr. says it's due to my weight...ugh! (I'm really not that surprised) So I really need to work harder at getting educated on better food choices, & exercise. The the dr. wants me to go to a lung rehab therapy to learn how to push myself with shortness of breath. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense to me. I have to think about it. I think I'm going to jump in & join a gym & weight watchers. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working. Please Pray for me in this area.

Driving from Wenatchee down to Tri-cities & back to Moses Lake was a long day, but worth it to see those cute & sweet faces. Instead of heading to Moses Lake from George we went down hwy 243 that runs along the river & comes out by Hanford. I forgot how pretty of a drive it is. When we lived in George we always went that way to Pasco to visit Mikes brother.

I better go & enjoy the weekend with those sweet kiddos of mine.... Hope you all have a great weekend!

....the double HH (Heavy Heart) & seeking for his Comfort~

My last few days have been heavy hearted...We attend services for my neighbor & his 13 yr. old daughter yesterday. They were both killed last Sat. in a car accident. It was so sweet about 5 12-13 yr. old girls got up to speak about how much Aschile's life & friendship meant to them so young.They cried their tears for her & they will miss her so much they said. They said she always had a hug & a smile for everyone. And she did cuz she always came to my house with a big bright smile & a hug for me (I loved that little girl). It was Shaylei's first service to go to for the loss of a friend. It was a little hard for her. Middle School is harsh on this age of girls... Their emotions are all over. I really do feel bad for these poor girls at this age to lose a happy sweet smiley girlfriend... It can be very challenging for them. What I am happy about is Aschlie knows Jesus Christ as her Lord & Saviour. She will spend eternity with Jesus...forever! Praise God for that... He daddy was a good man & had a heart for God... I will miss them both, her visits & his noisy cars going up & down the streets with the throttle to the floor board...

The COMFORT was later in the evening I got to attend a beautiful first year birthday party for Kenzlie. She is truly a MIRACLE girl! Praise God for all the GLORY goes to him. We put her in your hands a yr. ago & look what you did for her, her family, & her extended family. You are an AWESOME GOD who LOVES us all. See Kenzlie is a Gastroschisis survivor (she was born with her intestines out of her belly). So it's a emotional day to celebrate her milestones of life. Some of these babies don't make it or have complications. She had so many people praying for her & her family during her difficult beginning of life. She's such a BEAUTIFUL little sweet pea!

The SUN was also shinning again yesterday... Sun makes me happy. I witnessed another beautiful Sunset last night. I love the cold crisp air in the early evening, but not for too long.

Jayven is still having a hard time recovering. He wakes his mommy up screaming... He was screaming for me in the middle of the night. Poor little guy! Praying for a speedy healing for him & minimal pain for him.

By the time I go get my grand kids from Tri-Cities this weekends it will be 5 weeks since I've seen them. That's never happened before... I'm so looking forward to seeing them this weekend.

Soaked up the sunshine today, along with my sweet boy!

It was a beautiful sunny warm day today! I enjoyed seeing the SUN & loved how beautiful the sunset was tonight. Jayven had a good day today. He wanted his grandma to take him for a ride today. So we took a little ride to the drive through car wash. He loves it in there. The soap changes colors on the windows & he gets excited about it. It's so cute to watch how excited he gets over the simple things in life. That's what I need to learn is to be excited over the simple things in life. I have finally figured out how to navigate through Pinterest...yeah I'm addicted now! I'm loving the ideas I'm finding & can't wait to do some of them. I saw several I can't wait to do for summer. Some of us are slow learners & I'm one of them....lol

Lifes blessings & Very sad news!

I know its been a long time since I've blogged. My computer is having some issues & it needs to be tuned up & cleaned out. This will be a long winded blog..

We found out the end of Nov. a friend has cancer.... That word just sucks the wind out of you! Shes had two surgeries & will start her treatment next Monday. It will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks & its not going to be very pleasnt for her... I pray this treatment works for her... This is one of those places God will use me to help her with house cleaning, grocery shopping, or just visiting with her. I will keep praying for her.

Please PRAY for her with me

On Dec. 15th Mike & I went to Tri-Cities & picked up Aura & Aden to take them shopping for clothes, boots, shoes, coats, & hats. (I really scored on shirts for Aura I found a clerance rack & got 7 shirts at $5.00 ea. & 1 for $3.00) Times are tough for their Mom, she doesn't have a job. Shes been looking hard for one. Then we took them to dinner at Cousins. I love it there... Aura was a very GREATFUL little girl at the end of the day. She told us at dinner she didn't feel she should get any presents for Christmas cuz she was so blessed that day. She is such a sweet little girl. Aden was so excited about his new shoes he picked out. Char said he wanted to sleep with them on. I told her to let him. :) It was an AMAZING day spent with them. I love those kids so much. I wish they didn't live so far away. I see them less & less as they get older.

Christmas was different for us this yr. For ten yrs or so all the grand kids have always woke up at grandma's house Christmas morning. This yr. Char stayed home with her kids & her boyfriend & his kids. I didn't like it, but it is what it is. I just have to learn to deal with it! The Sat. after Christmas we went & picked up the kids to have a Christmas & spend New Years with them. Jen has her own home now. Jen & her kids did Christmas for the first time in their own home.. She invited us over to watch the kids open there presents. Even tho I didn't like this change I had a peaceful heart. When things don't go my way I get worked up & I'm not so nice at times. But this yr. was different... I accepted it & kept moving on. I Praise God for his Peace & Strength. God is good!

My battle with Bipolar at times gets out of control & I feel crazy. I get so worried about all the "whats gonna happens." With this gun control, the Obama healthcare, kids arent allowed to be kids, the cost of food is going up, gas will be going way up, I don't trust Obama! I really believe we are in the beginning of the end times & I have to be honset it scares me & it shouldn't cuz Christ will be returning to get us. I srsly need to learn to TRUST my God! I feel like I don't know how to get off the crazy merry-go-round & TRUST in HIM... I just keep reading peoples blogs, & remember there are poeple going through things worse then what I am. It does help me to see things differently. However my feelings & emotions are mine & I feel at times they are not validated. I had a few days I was pretty down & suicide came into my mind for a moment... When I get to that point it means I've allowed life to OVERWHELMED me!!! But God is so good! I do BELEIVE that!

A friend that works with mental health came to me & asked me if I would like to do some volunteer work with the Suicide Prevention Coalition. I said WHAT....srsly! Yes....I want to do that! Of course I battle with this so who better to work with people going through hard stuff & they are suicideal. It always breaks my heart when a person takes their life. Its a permeant solution to a temporary problem in life. I understand why they do it. You truly believe you have no where to go or no one truly hears you or understands you. I've been asking God to use me some where & of course I was not waiting patiently. Its so hard for me to wait on his timing so I stay stuck in the rut of life. Man I have so much to learn about how God's will for me is the best me. More then I could ever know here on earth. 

Our neighbor & his 13 yr. old daughter were killed in a tragic car accident last Sat. So sad! It's a reminder we just never know when our time is done here. I will miss that sweet little girly coming to visit us.

Please Pray for his wife & family.

Jayven had his tonsils & adenoids taken out & tubes put in last Tues. in Spokane & he's doing good. He's having good days & bad days. Today was a bad day! His poor mommy will be having a long week or two...  Right now he don't want nothing to with his Grandma. I think its cuz I drove him up there... Lol

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I'm sooooo ready for Spring! Are you?