Brokenness of the Heart, Mind, & Soul!

It's been a long week. My heart seems to be heavy, disturbed, or restless a lot lately... Even though my heart has been cleared of heath issues it is still wounded. The winter months are hard for me with my depression and bipolar. I'm in the darkest hrs. of life and I am truly blind to the light. My thoughts have not been good ones lately either. Even with the meds I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster ride and let me tell you its not fun! Or it feels like I'm on the merry-go-round of life...going around and around and around! I'm so tired of feeling like I'm drowning & fell like I can't breath! It's robbing me of LIFE.! And of course I question where is God in all this! Then I realize he's here, but I am the one that turned away and began to walk on my own AGAIN. I just don't feel like I can connect with my Heavenly Father who sacrificed his only SON on the cross for me... And all I can do is ask WHY me! I don't understand it?! Why can't I be normal and happy! Why can't I find Peace and Joy in life! The older I get the less I wanna do anything or go anywhere. I have no support system. Six of my closes friends have moved, and my other friends are raising families. As I'm struggling with my Heart consumed with this, I do realize there are people struggling through BIGGER battles then I am, but I don't know how to let go what I can't control and I'm angry. There's one situation that is killing me to know what's going on in their lives and I can't do a thing about it! I've PRAYED and try to read my Bible, I just can't connect. I don't get why I can't get it!!! I am REDEEMED by the BLOOD of  JESUS... This song is so deep into my heart and I feel like it keeps me going in my faith. "Bound up in shackles of all my failures. Stop fighting a fight that's already been won" I need soak those words up into my heart. My soul longs to be IN LOVE with you JESUS!!!  

       

Beautiful Sunset at my mom and dads place last September. I miss them and want to be with them. They both took bad falls in the last three weeks. They can't get around very well. My mom should not be driving at all either. My dads been in the hospital three times in the last three months. I only get told after he's been in there. Our lives are so dysfunctional....I hate it!!!



The still glass lake of Moses Lake reminds me of home. I grew up where fishing was a way of living. This lake has a smell to it certian times of the year that most people don't like, but I do...cuz it smells like home...

Acts 14:22

Strengthening the diciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.