Hmmm where do I start! I did Bloomsday on May 6th & finished it in two hours & fifty minutes. I was so PROUD of myself... I cried when I crossed the finish line. I accomplished so much that day for myself that only I can know in my heart what it meant to cross the finish line & to do it by myself. I may not of ran the race, but I pressed on & walked it all the way! Never giving up...even when it hurt so bad about 6 1/2 miles that I began to say in my head I can't do this.... I got my second wind when I came to mile 7 & knew I had less then a half a mile & began to run it all the way to the finish line...
Then on the next day May 7th was another accomplishment for me to celebrate 17 yrs of sobriety & clean time. I can remember how lost I always felt in life. I always had friends when I drank & used drugs. Only to realize later they weren't really friends they were users of drugs, alcohol, & of people just like me....a user & a liar. I remember my heart hurt so much from so much pain in my childhood & what a mess I had made of my life. I was so lost, confused, broken, & stripped of my innocents. I knew who Jesus was, but truly believed at that time Jesus really didn't care about me or love me. My heart hurt so much, I physically had chest pains all the time & in my mind I saw a BLACK heart that was dying inside my chest. I truly believed at that time in my life, life could not be any different & that I would die from my addictions. It was all I knew at that time in my life. I started drinking at 12 & doing drugs at 13 to numb the pain of the abuse. I finally hit rock bottom & went to a treatment center in Bothell at the age of 36 yrs old. (I know it took me a long time...lol) I can laugh a little about it now. It was one of the best things I could do for myself with God's help. I could not be where I'm at today if it wasn't for GOD'S loving GRACE & MERCY on me. Today I give all GLORY to him. Looking back at that time I now see that God was there evey step of the way in that time of my life & still is even more today!
Ahhh....mothers day! It's a bittersweet day for me. I've never had a good relationship with my mother so this day is a hard one for me. With God softening my heart I believe the relationship may be on the mend as best as it can be for us. I love her because she's my mother & I know that God loves her more then I ever could. I've shared God's love & salvation with her, but she's not sure she believes it all & that God would love her. I realized later in life she did what she knew at that time in her life when I was a little girl as far as the abuse. Some people just don't know how to show love to their children. I believe God wanted something different from me cuz he chose me to share his love & he's given me compassion for hurting people. My grand kids had never roasted marshmellows to make s'mores. Sat. night we roasted marshmellows in my backyard & made s'mores. They loved them of course... I think we will make that a mothers day weekend tradition. I had all four grand kids all weekend long & I we had fun, with a little exploring at some fishing spots, played at a park, had a ice cream at mardon resort, bbq'ing, & swimming! They didn't wanna go home. It was one of the best Mothers Days for me. I made a call to my mom & had a nice conversasion with her.
I was discouraged with my last blog cuz I tried to post pictures & they didn't show up. They just show up as red x's. I guess I have a lot to learn with this blogging...
I liked this from Joyce Meyer~ God's light shines better through "cracked pots" then it does through those who have it all together....
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